Struggle and purpose of 2019 – a little summary of my 2019

It’s again this time of the year when everyone is making their summaries. And so do I! ?

This year was kinda all over the place. It had some great highs ? and so many dark lows ❄️. But after looking at them now, I feel so grateful that all of them happened! ?

So shall we proceed to my “little” summary of 2019? ?

Push yourself far beyond the limit ?

The beginning of this year was really far, far away from perfect. Nothing was the way I wanted it to be. Nothing was making me feel better. Everything was starting to be like some sad black and white movie.

I started to the felt weight of my own decisions, and forever being introvert wasn’t helping at all. Yeah, I like some alone time, but I took it too far this year. Even beautiful weather in Las Vegas couldn’t help me with that.

The monotony of doing the same things every day was making it even worst. I felt that I lost myself somewhere, and I didn’t know where nor how to “find it” again.

Burn out, depression, big sad, or however, you want to call it. And it’s “interesting” to speak about them being 25 yo. But I guess all of them can happen however old you are. ?‍♂️

At that time, you are starting questioning your life decisions, where you are, or if you really achieved something in your life. You know, regular impostor syndrome stuff…

Leaving a job and taking a break for myself ☕️

I’m the kind of person that hates standing in place and doing nothing. I just can’t stand that. But after pushing myself for three years to be better, to do more, to reach new heights, I decided that I need to stop and calmly sit in place.

I left the job, moved back to Poland, and wanted to do nothing until I find a new purpose, a new goal. Of course, I did some small things in the mean-time besides playing games because I couldn’t stand doing absolutely nothing. This is basically me in a nutshell… ?

And I’m feeling so grateful for making and being a part of the Lublin GameDev community. Every meeting that we held was like a therapy for me.

For real!

Being around like-minded and passionate about making games people started to help me bit by bit. ?

Meeting friends from Viking Potatoes at PGA 2019

Starting to understand yourself ?

Sometimes I’m looking at all of these “personality tests” as something stupid and not worth the time doing. After listening to a few podcasts, I decided to give one a try and see what I can learn about myself. As I was already on a path to self-discovery, why shouldn’t I do it?

Results didn’t surprise me that much, but there were a few things that caught my attention. One of them was that people with my type of personality needed to have purpose or meaning in things that they do.

That really opened my eyes… I didn’t know though about that before. Or at least not in that context. ?

Most of the things that I loved to do had a purpose, a mission to fulfill. And because I stopped doing them, I started feeling more and more disconnected from myself. So did I just found what I was looking for? ?

Purpose which I was looking for! ?

At this point, “I was doing nothing” for I like 3 or 4 months. But all started coming nicely together…

At Hack the Edge hackathon, we won two prizes, later we get informed that we will organize Trigame Tournament, and on top of that I had a speech at Lubelski Wzór.

And in the middle of all of that, we opened RealityUnit – a software house I always wanted to create… ?

Speech at Lubelski Wzór 2019

Any words or plans for the upcoming decade?

Hmmm… ?

The first and most important thing for me is to get back to do the very things that get me here. Programming and sharing my knowledge whenever I can.

So I will do at least ten speaks over next year. Also, I need to get back to blogging! A recent change for posting every other week failed spectacularly… So let’s forget about that and post once a week!

Also, this year I reached almost 1500 visits in one month, but with lack of new content dropped it back three months to just below 1100. I need to build momentum again! ?

Next year I want to reach new levels with the blog, like 4k visits in one month. Also, I want to pass the barrier of 100 posts here as we are currently standing at 73 (74 if you count this one ?) posts.

If I don’t publish a new post in a given week, I will commit paying 100 PLN to charity, and you will decide which one every three months.

And the last for the next year, time to start publishing apps for websites under my or RealityUnit name! So let’s make four games/apps/sites in 2020!

I’m curious to see how these plans fulfill in the next year! ?

I’m also curious to hear your plans for the next year or decade! Share them in the comment section and let the world know!

And if you want to follow my journey, you can sign up for the newsletter here. ?

Hear you in the next week in the new decade! ?

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4 years ago

Can you link some potcast you used to listen in your down moments? Think I’m at the same point right now as you were. Game delopement can be harsh sometimes for very dedicated and hardworking people as we are. Glad to hear that you are doing well. Don’t push yourself to hard after recover – your plans for 2020 sound very ambitious. Wish u all the best

Gunnar Clovis
Gunnar Clovis
Reply to  Zgredziucha
4 years ago

I watch far more YouTube than I listen to podcasts, but I highly recommend Humans Who Make Games hosted by Adam Conover:

And The Cutdown hosted by Ric Thomas and my friend Derek Lieu:

I hope you’re well!

Gunnar Clovis
Gunnar Clovis
4 years ago

I’m happy for you, Patryk, and look forward to your next steps! You have my full support ?
I relate deeply. Wishing you the best!

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